GETTING YOUR SPOUSE TO HELP AROUND THE HOUSE

When you gradually add these suggestions it will make you feel good because you are doing positive things to help your family stay on the right track and build your spouse’s self esteem. It might take a little practice on your part, but it is worth it!

Find a time when you can calmly think about what you would like for your spouse to do to help. Ask for Spiritual Guidance on ways for you to accept your mate as they are and to lead you to other resources for help. Visualize your mate happily accepting the suggestions below, and other ways to subtly encourage them.

Go to your spouse’s work or invite their friends over and brag about the things they actually have done and tell of their future plans.

Let your spouse hear you talking to other people about how helpful they are and how your spouse said they would do something they have already committed to do in the future.

ASK your spouse to help you with a big PLEASE. THANK them profusely. Later say how appreciative you are.

Some people get overwhelmed at the whole task but will agree to 15 minutes. Ask, “Do you have 15 minutes?” and wait for a positive reply, then say, “Would you please do this?” And then keep it to 15 minutes, unless they want to continue. Don’t ask, “Could you?” because while maybe your spouse CAN do the task, they may not find the time, or a good day, etc.

Do things together using the 15 minute request.

MAKE HONEY-DO LISTS your spouse can proudly check off.

Find other people who will come and help. It will take the stress off both of you. Local church members can shop or bring food and youth groups can weed the garden. You do not need to join or be a regular participant. Your mate may just pitch in and help the group.

These suggestions also work with children ;).

The book, "Women Who Love Too Much," by Robin Norwood has been a lifesaver to many people having problems with their mates. She gives examples on what to say and do (and what NOT to say and do) to lessen the tension for everyone. Have your highlighter ready when you read it, you might see your spouse - and maybe yourself - throughout the whole book!

Wendy Lee